How much stress or anxiety do you feel when it comes to relating to others? Is it even possible to live in a society without communication with others and, therefore, eliminating the stress that comes from others? Is it possible to exist anywhere without communication? If you are alone on an island, you will still need to communicate with everything around you, from plants to animals to insects successfully. Otherwise, you would just die. Communication with others is an inevitable part of survival.

Communication in Western society is mostly affected by fear and expectations. We do not communicate from an authentic place. In other words, we seldom talk from a position of “being ourselves.” We communicate through filters. We neglect to express a large portion of who we are, be it out of fear of being noticed, fear of being hurt, or fear of being rejected.

When we were born, we were not like that. We had no fear of being seen, no fear of being too vulnerable. Think back to a time when an infant made eye contact with you. At no point did that child look away out of fear of being seen. An infant will lock eyes with you and connect with you soul to soul. What happened between infancy and adulthood? We have lost our sense of fearlessness and open vulnerability.

The good news is you can change it. In most cases, there is no permanent damage. You can recover and learn how to communicate with others on a soulful level. It will bring you satisfaction and fulfillment and help you achieve what you want to achieve. Your impact in this world depends on how well you communicate with others. Your impact in this world depends on how easy it is for others to communicate with you.

Take a moment to close your eyes and envision yourself as a fearless being. Visualize yourself expressing yourself authentically in front of every person you meet. Envision yourself going on a date and having no fear about being judged or rejected. How would you feel if you could live life this way? Life looks so different, so free, so joyful in this state!
Let’s take a moment now and look at the past 24 hours. How connected were you to people that you met or interacted with? Spend some time listing your interaction and assess the authenticity of your communication.

Have you ever noticed how disconnected people are in New York City? There are 17 million people, and it can still be the loneliest place on the planet. Can you relate to this even if you live in a different place? Have you ever experienced being at a party with hundreds of people and still feeling lonely?
The truth is that we came here to experience connection, to be an expression of uniqueness, to connect with different beings from a space of oneness. We came here to express ourselves freely and openly, without fear of being judged.
Many times you have a thought begin to form in your mind, and out of fear of being judged you stop yourself from outwardly verbalizing these thoughts. It is a sign that you have been experiencing fear-based communication. Something is blocking you from being the authentic real you.
Real communication starts when you stop feeling ashamed when you allow yourself to become vulnerable. We do a lot of exercises during the workshop to help us achieve shamelessness. During Modern Breakthrough Workshops, participants experience what it feels like when shame is removed, and pure authenticity and bliss takes its place.

To be an effective communicator, you’ll want to take a good look at your listening skills. It is so important to be able to stay in authentic listening without putting up filters that decide ahead of time how we are going to treat the information we are receiving.

Most of the time we first decide that the person who is speaking is a valuable resource, and only then do we start listening. Still our internal monolog continues. “Oh, I’ve heard this before. I already know what this person is about to say. Your mind begins to wander.

What if you think about listening as if it is a vacation for you? You can relax and let the other person do the work. Listen for the purpose of understanding. Listen to understand what a person is saying while trying to catch what a person means. Not everyone is great with expressing their thoughts. People often say one thing when they mean something else. If we are practicing authentic listening our chances to catch what they are concerned about will increase. Your decision-making ability and clarity will improve right away too. You might also gain respect and credibility as a person who cares for others.

Let us now move into communication without words.
Close your eyes and think back to an argument you had with someone. Just, for now, begin to recall the scene in your mind, then drop the words that were exchanged, and focus on the actions and body language. What was the message? How did you react to the other person’s body language? Is it a possibility that the phrase you used had a neutral tone? Was it your tone and body language that gave your argument its momentum?
When it comes to action versus reaction in an argument or debate, everything is connected to our body, thoughts, and physical expressions. We express our genuine emotions this way. We are seen.

Cultural differences make a huge impact on our non-verbal communication. For example, what about a hug? What is your cultural background when it comes to exchanging hugs? Is it appropriate and comfortable for you? Or do you feel like your personal space is violated? In many Eastern countries hugs are not appropriate, but here in the United States hugs are very common. If hugging is in your tradition, do you enjoy it? Giving a hug has a big effect on both parties involved, and the way you hug can teach you a great deal about yourself. Most people hug with a slight tap on the back of the other’s shoulder. This form of hugging sends the message that you are unattached and uninterested in showing this person affection. Try to be aware next time you give or receive a hug. Your energy either expands or shrinks when exchanging touch with another human being. Try to connect to your heart center to see what the hug feels like. Often hug can say more than all words in the world. There are hugging saints that do nothing but hug people.

Communicating without fear, with courage, intelligence that comes from authentic listening will change your life for the better.

from “Modern Breakthrough” book by E.Zelenina and A.Shimron