Excerpt from my upcoming textbook for parents on how to conduct quality art classes at home

Mistakes to avoid when teaching your child art. 

Listen and look at their work without assumptions.

Listen and look at their art without the idea that you have a solution for the problems with their art you see.  Ask questions and take time to listen to them.  When we take time to listen, our kids feel heard.   As a result, some of their anxieties, fears, confusion go away without any effort.  When I say “listen,” I do not mean nodding your head as if you are listening while you are thinking about your things or problems.  Real listening is giving 100 percent attention to your child who decided to talk to you.  If you are busy with something, you can tell your child: “I need 10 min to finish this task, and I will give you full listening. Is it ok?”  If there is an emergency, they might say that they can not wait and at that time you need to make a decision based on your best judgment whether to stop what you are doing or not.   We are always giving a message to our kids; you need to decide what kind of message and what relationships you are going to build based on that message.  Align these two.  I know many parents who want to have friendly relations with their children, but their actions and reactions will bring different results.  For example, they grew up in a house where they were left alone a lot and sent to their rooms to do the work on their own, and they do the same.  Take a look at your relationships with your parents.  If they are great, it is a good (not a 100%) indicator that these practices help build friendliness and if not, look deeper and decide if you need to adjust.

Listening is an incredible energy exchange.  Remember yourself when you have a feeling that no one listens.  Please create the listening space for your children.  Even if no one listens to you, you still can listen to them.    You will discover that it is an incredible healing tool not only for your child but you.  Something inside of you will relax and space and time needed for communication will open up.

No judgments about your children’s art.   

I can not stress this enough. This approach stems from the idea that all knowledge about art is within and you only need the right keys to open it up.  You can not possibly know what is right, what is wrong with the skill and advise unless the artist specifically describes his or her idea, the emotion to convey with this particular piece of art and why it is essential to communicate this emotion.  Only then some advice from a person who knows many art techniques would be useful.   BUT!  You can still give a lot of guidance to your children whiteout being an artist yourself.  There is an artist within each of us and helping your children might open the hidden treasure door inside of you too.  

Be aware of their self-doubt.

When you see that they feel that they can not do an art project the way they want, take a note of that.  For example, they might think that they do not know how to draw a person, a cat, a building.  Your job is to convey that it is a skill issue only (and it’s true) and suggest a video on youtube, for example, that can help.  Watch the video before showing it to make sure it is clear and the explanation makes sense to you.   The desire to learn how to do it on a different level has to come from them though.  IF THEY ARE SATISFIED HOW THEIR ART LOOKS, LET THEM BE.  DO NOT “IMPROVE” IT YOURSELF OR ASK THEM TO “IMPROVE.”  These art classes will build a bond, long-lasting friendship with your child, and they will teach them that they have you as their support and that there is a way to figure out new things because even mom, dad, aunt, for example, do not mind figuring this out and are not embarrassed to do it.  It’s an incredible space of friendliness and curiosity about life to share with your child.  Friendliness is more important than “right” looking eyes or hands or flowers.   From that space learning comes easy and dealing with life is enjoyable.

Projection of personal experience also should be prevented because it creates limitations.  

See your child as an Olympic champion human being, and your job of a parent is to protect the space of possibility of a champion human being.  Your child will figure out what to focus on and what’s worth investing time in, but it should not come from any ideas of limitations that we, parents have.  For example, you see that your child is not good at dance. Maybe she is not flexible, but the passion for dance is enormous.  It is more important to help to explore it and adjust the routines: the food, the sleep, how to get ready for the class than discuss how it does not make sense to pursue it because she can not get on a team.   

It is essential to stay in the space of possibility especially when children decide to accomplish something when even all the life experience of a parent tells him or her otherwise.  For example, a child has low grades but expresses the desire to apply to Harvard University.  The task at hand is not to say ‘no”, or “it is impossible,” “don’t waste your time” but to start exploring the idea along with a child, so all the decisions a child makes are her decisions.   Moreover, what if Harvard announces some Internet degree and opens the door to a much broader group of students?  Who knows how a dream or a person can become a reality?  It is not our place to decide what is possible and what is not possible.  

Our job as parents is to make sure that possibility is welcomed, and our friendly relationships are flourishing.   As a  result, whenever our children have a confusing time in life, they will most likely come to us to discuss their problems and will keep us in their lives for some meaningful conversation instead of brushing us aside because “dad is always like that, what’s the point of discussing anything.”

Of course, parenting is more complicated than these couple of ideas I shared.  I chose them because they are crucial for conducting your art classes. 

I wish you to conduct wonderful art classes and develop excellent relationships with your children as a bonus.