We talked about human contact a little in both previous chapters. Now let’s dive a little deeper into our personal relationships and find out what can be done to improve them. First we will talk about our personal relationships and how to improve them, and then we will talk about love in general.
Imagine that you see a person whom you know well, but you do not remember the past pains this person has caused you; you have no emotional attachment to the past pains or incidents. Would it be less stressful to talk with this person now? If you think about it, where do these memories even exist? You can’t touch them, taste them or feel them. The only thing that brings these pains into existence is you and your attachment to them. You bring these memories and emotions to life. Imagine a depressing movie with a sad ending. Once the movie is over the only thing that brings specific scenes back to life is you pressing the rewind button. What if the DVD was burned and no copy was left to leave a trace? Others would have to take your word for it that the scenes even existed in the first place. You are the master of this movie, the movie of your life. The magic in this is that you get to choose which scenes you want to permanently delete and which scenes you choose to keep. Deciding to erase painful memories will bring a fresh new excitement about life. You might want to completely rewrite the story of your life just the way you always imagined your life to be!
In family dynamics, we might find that a woman stops asking for things because she is holding onto past memories in which she asked her husband for a favor, and she was scolded for it. To avoid another argument, she refrains from asking altogether and begins a life of repressing her voice and feelings. It does not mean that she stopped wanting so eventually explosion is coming, or her health will be affected by the suppressed emotions or both. Men complain and women little by little stop asking.   If they do not stop, their asking becomes a constant source of irritation.  Men call it “nagging”.  Arguments between lovers appear in these type of environments all the time.
Is there a situation in your life in which your loved ones bring up some of the things you did in the past and as a result you feel ashamed of speaking out?  Are you guilty of being the accuser with the person you love?
Neither you nor your lover/partner is the same person you were even yesterday.  Years have gone by, you both changed your ways inevitably, but somehow you get into the same trap again and again of making your partner feel small and guilty.
Is it possible to be able to communicate and relate to each other by focusing on the present and leaving the past behind?

Unclutching Technique
Every time you have thought that sounds something like this, “he/she always messes up when it comes to this,” simply incorporate a process called unclutching. Unclutching is a powerful process that was introduced to us by an enlightened master who currently lives in India, named Paramahamsa Nithyananda. The technique is simple.  The idea is to not allow individual thoughts, which are all separate, to create a shaft. This will become clear in a moment. Think of a situation that took place when you were a child, for example, slipping on ice and falling on your butt. Five years later you fell again, a couple years after that you fell again, perhaps last year you fell again. What happens after you’ve fallen once or twice? You create a belief about yourself that says, “I always fall,  I am so clumsy”  This idea is like a programmed setting for your mind. Your mind will create a shaft based on various events that happened in your past, which all have nothing to do with another, and will result in you living a life based on that belief. Your mind creates shafts of emotions too.  It can be a happy shaft when you recall happy incidents and put them together.  For example, the phrase “those were the good old days” comes from a shaft you’ve created of an accumulation of days that brought you happiness.  You dismiss what was happening and focus on some good memories based on emotions you felt. You can easily create a shaft that is full of pain. In this case, you choose painful memories and put them together.
The truth is none if it is real or true.  You can unclutch from both.  Our thoughts are illogical disassociated moments that come together to create a shaft. Thoughts can be thought of as bubbles in a fish tank, each thought representing one bubble. As soon as a bubble reaches the top of a fish tank it bursts. Like thoughts, the moment a new thought enters the old thought bursts. Many bubbles come together to create shafts of many thoughts, all non-connected or associated to the next in any way.
An ideal mind is one that can learn how to exist in the space between your thoughts; that is the space of bliss and enlightenment. Un-clutching experience is beneficial in everyday life because it allows you to become more productive, gives you more energy, you experience less stress and a significant amount of creativity growth.
It takes some time to get used to, but anyone can accomplish this.

The Mirror Effect Techniques
The mirror effect is something you may have heard before, but perhaps the significance of it didn’t sink deep enough to become your reality.  The idea is that we are all mirrors.  Everything around us reflects what is inside us. If someone makes you angry, the reason you are angry at them is something you are angry at about yourself. If a friend calls you self-centered, you may get mad at them for a variety of reasons, but if you know for a fact that you are not self-centered, why get mad at your friend in the first place? Ager is a result of something we believe about ourselves (such as being self-centered) that we don’t even know we believe. We recognize the mirror by turning our attention inwards rather than at others and being 100% honest about what we think about ourselves.