Being judged, being misunderstood.  Have you experienced this?  

Dealing with others, communicating with others, judging ourselves through other’s eyes is such a big part of our life.  It is also a huge source of stress.  Is it possible to live in a society without communication with others?  Is it possible to be successful without others? Is it possible to exist anywhere without communication?  If you are alone on an island, you will still need to successfully communicate with everything around you, from plants to animals to insects. Otherwise, you would simply die.

Communication with others is an inevitable part of survival but one of the problems we encounter in Western society is that fear creeps into our communication tendencies, not only with others but with ourselves as well. We also communicate with others based on their expectations of us.  We often feel that we are falling short of their expectations, so we do not communicate from an authentic place. We communicate through filters.   We neglect to express a large portion of who we are, be it out of fear of being noticed, fear of being hurt, or fear of being rejected.

Let us rewind again.  When we were born, we were not like that. We had no fear of being seen, no fear of being too vulnerable. Think back to a time where an infant made eye contact with you. At no point did that child look away out of fear of being seen. An infant will lock eyes with you and connect with you soul to soul. What happened between infancy and adulthood? Once we’ve grown into our society and had the fear of being seen or heard planted in our being.  We lost the sense of fearlessness and open vulnerability. The good news is it can be changed.  In most cases, there is no permanent damage.  You can recover and learn how to communicate with others on a soulful level.  It will bring you satisfaction and fulfillment and help to achieve what you want to achieve.  Your impact in this world depends on how well you communicate with others.   Your impact in this world depends on how easy it is for others to communicate with you.

Take a moment to close your eyes and envision yourself as a fearless being. Visualize yourself expressing yourself authentically in front of every person you meet. Envision yourself going on a date and having no fear around being judged or rejected. How would you feel if you could live life this way?  Life looks so different and so joyful in this state!

Let’s take a moment now and look at the past 24 hours.  How connected were you to people that you met or interacted with?  Spend some time listing your interaction and assess the authenticity of your communication.

By the way have you ever noticed how disconnected people are in New York City?  There are 17 million people, and it can still be the loneliest place on the planet.   Can you relate to this even if you live in a different place?  Have you ever experienced being at a party with hundreds of people and feeling the absolute loneliest person on a planet?

The truth is that we came here to experience connection, to be an expression of uniqueness, to connect with different beings from a space of oneness. We came here to learn how to express ourselves freely and openly, without fear of being judged or what others think of us.

Many times you have a thought begin to form in your mind, and out of fear of being judged you stop yourself from outwardly verbalizing these thoughts.  It is a sign that you have been experiencing fear-based communication. Something is blocking you from being the authentic real you.

Real communication starts when you stop feeling ashamed when you allow yourself to become vulnerable. We do a lot of exercises during the workshop to help us achieve shamelessness.  Guilt is sometimes programed in us and it is so hard to remove.  I still work on that! Hard but not impossible.

Another part in communication is our listening skills.  It is so important to be able to stay in authentic listening without putting up filters that decide ahead of time how we are going to treat the information we are receiving. Most of the time we first decide that the person speaking is a valuable resource, and only then do we start listening.  The internal monolog continues.  “Oh, I’ve heard this before. I already know what this person is about to say. This person is not a reliable source so therefore not worthy of being listened to,” your mind begins to wander elsewhere.

What if we think that listening is a vacation?  You can relax and let the other person do the work.  Maybe even listen for the purpose of understanding where the other person is.  Your opinions might be so different and bringing them together is impossible.  Listen to understand what a person is saying and what a person means. Decision-making ability and clarity will increase right away.  You might also gain respect and credibility as an authentic person who cares for others.

Close your eyes now and think back to an argument you had with someone. Just for now, begin to recall the argument in your mind and in the process drop the words that were exchanged and focus completely on the actions and body language that was expressed. What was the message that was conveyed without words?  How did you react to the other person’s body language?  Is it a possibility that the words you used had a neutral tone? Were the actions and body language that gave the argument its energy and momentum?

When it comes to action and reaction in an argument or debate, everything is connected to our body, thoughts, and physical expressions.   We express our true emotions this way.  We are seen. Cultural differences make a huge impact on our non-verbal communication.  For example, hugs!  What is your cultural background when it comes to exchanging hugs?  Is it appropriate and comfortable for you? Or do you feel like your personal space is being violated?  In many Eastern countries hugging is not appropriate, but here in the United States it is very common. If hugging is in your tradition, do you enjoy it?

Giving a hug has a very profound effect on both parties involved, and the way you hug can teach you a great deal about yourself. Most people hug with a slight tap on the back of the other’s shoulder. This form of hugging unconsciously sends the message that you are unattached and uninterested in showing this person affection.  Try to be aware next time you give or receive a hug. Did it feel enriching and authentic or unattached and uninterested?  It might sound like a minor thing, but your energy can either expand or shrink when exchanging touch with another human being. Many have noted that they felt a form of love that they’ve never felt before after the hug from a stranger who is fully present for you at the moment. Any contact you have with another human being can be expanding and enriching if done right. Try to connect to your heart center to see what the hug feels like. Transform hugs to transform life!

Being able to communicate with others from the same authentic place that you found through self-love practice will create great relationships.  This affects all aspects of our lives so bring mindfulness and friendliness.  Some of us are more confident; some are less, but we all need each other.   You started with self-love as your first practice, so you might want to experiment with the listening now.  Listening and watching if you are uneasy when the other person speaks.  What makes you uneasy?  What does great communication with others mean to you?